This is a common question people ask when they’re starting therapy. Sometimes we hear from those who have tried therapy before and felt unsure of why it didn’t feel quite right. They often say things like, “They were nice, but I didn’t feel like anything really changed,” or “I talked a lot, but I wasn’t sure what we were doing.”

A good therapist isn’t defined by being endlessly agreeable or simply a warm presence in the room. While safety and connection matter deeply and are foundational, effective therapy requires more. Here are some signs that you’re working with a strong, skilled therapist. 

You Feel Safe, But Also Gently Challenged

A good therapist helps you feel emotionally safe enough to be honest, even when what you’re sharing is uncomfortable or hard to put into words. At the same time, they don’t just nod along or validate everything without question. Growth happens when a therapist is willing to respectfully challenge patterns, highlight blind spots, and ask questions that push your thinking with care and intention.

Sessions Have Direction, Not Just Conversation

Therapy should feel like more than venting to a friend. While there’s absolutely space to talk through what’s happening in your life, a good therapist is listening for themes, patterns, and deeper meaning. They may help connect your current stress to past experiences, point out recurring dynamics in relationships or work, or bring the conversation back to goals you’ve identified together.

Your Therapist Is Engaged and Present

Good therapy is active. That doesn’t mean your therapist talks more than you do, but it does mean they’re clearly engaged: asking thoughtful questions, reflecting what they’re hearing, and offering insight when appropriate. If you feel truly seen, remembered, and understood, that’s a strong indicator of a good therapeutic relationship.

They Use Knowledge, Not Just Empathy

Empathy is essential. It is foundational. However, that’s not all therapy is. A good therapist brings training, experience, and evidence-based approaches into the room. They understand how anxiety, depression, trauma, burnout, and relationship dynamics work, and they know how to treat them. They should be able to explain why certain patterns exist and how change can happen, not just acknowledge that things are hard.

Boundaries Are Clear and Professional

Strong therapeutic boundaries aren’t cold, they’re protective. A good therapist doesn’t blur the lines by texting socially, oversharing personal details, or making the therapy space about themselves. Communication outside of therapy is appropriate and limited. These boundaries allow therapy to stay focused on you, and only you, and ensure the relationship remains safe, ethical, and effective.

You Feel a Shift Over Time

Progress in therapy isn’t always linear or dramatic, but over time you should notice changes in how you think, respond, cope, or understand yourself. You may find yourself pausing instead of reacting, setting boundaries more confidently, or recognizing old patterns sooner. Even small shifts matter. If months go by and nothing feels different, it’s reasonable to ask questions about the approach or fit.

When It’s a Good Fit, You Don’t Feel “Managed”

A good therapist collaborates with you. They don’t tell you what to do or talk down to you, and they don’t disappear into silence either. Therapy works best when you feel respected as an active participant in the process, not managed or passively observed.

Therapy at Birchwood Clinic

At Birchwood, our psychologists and master’s level therapists are engaged, evidence-based, and willing to have meaningful, substantive, sometimes difficult, conversations, while remaining compassionate and supportive. Our therapists are warm, thoughtful, informed, and intentional about therapy. 

We believe therapy should be a place where you feel understood and where real change happens. Whether you prefer in-person sessions or virtual therapy that fits into a busy life, our clinicians are focused on providing high-quality care that respects your time and individual goals. 

If you’re ready to talk, we’re here. You can learn more about our providers or schedule an appointment, or contact Dr. Susan Bush, owner and clinical coordinator at 312-806-2140.